Parents, you need to help your kids prioritize mental health

It’s one of the most common phrases in parenthood — “you’re okay.” Just this weekend I heard a fellow dance mom yell from the sidelines as their child stumbled, “Brush it off! You’re okay — keep going!” Her kid got up, brushed off the fall, and continued the routine.

The phrase works, until it doesn’t.

Because our kids are not “okay.” In fact, compared to youth a decade ago, today’s kids are experiencing increased rates of mental health concerns, as well as greater severity of mental health issues. Over a third of youth reported feeling sad and hopeless and one in five youth reported having seriously considered suicide. One in five. And that was before Covid-19 ravaged the mental health of our young adults even further. We’re dealing with a youth mental health crisis, one that is further exacerbated by systemic racism, gun violence, climate anxiety, and homophobia that they experience every day. We are also seeing legislation and school policies being suggested that directly impacts the mental health of youth, especially black, indigenous and people of color (BIPOC) and LGBTQ+ youth.

The path to helping to end the youth mental health crisis needs to involve youth. Sometimes though it can seem daunting to introduce complex conversations around mental health to young children. But mental health doesn’t need to be so complex. You can introduce the concept by talking openly about your own well-being, modeling for kids that it’s okay to express when you’re stressed or upset by something. Showing them healthy mental health habits can help build coping skills, like taking the time and space to center yourself when needed, finding a healthy outlet like journaling, or reaching out to loved ones.

Here are five easy ways that I encourage mental wellness in my kids:

1. Help them establish boundaries. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our mental health is to learn how to say “no.” That is a hard skill for most adults to learn, let alone children. One way that I help my kids practice this skill is to give them an out — let them know that I won’t be disappointed in them for turning down yet another playdate or not staying late after school to attend another extracurricular. Or I help to give them the words to say no without hurting their friends’ feelings, which can sound like “I can’t this week/month/semester, how does next month sound?”
2. Model healthy behaviors at home. Good habits start at home. I make it a priority to show my kids that I’m working on my mental health by making time and space for things that help me — like prioritizing things that bring me joy, eating healthy meals, engaging in therapy, calling my friends, and getting enough sleep. I also share about my own mental health by being honest with them when I may be having a difficult day.
3. Be mindful of your language at home. The words you use around your kids have an impact and can contribute to internalized biases around mental health. One way that I try to be cautious of language is simply taking the word “crazy” out of my vocabulary. Instead of “that’s crazy,” I say “that’s wild!” or “that’s so interesting.”
4. Establish that rest should be prioritized. Guilt-free rest can be one of the most effective ways to take care of yourself. Just like with boundary setting, sometimes rest can be harder to prioritize in our kids after they age out of traditional nap times — and we feel like we just go, go, go. In my home, we encourage our kids to take quiet time to themselves on the weekends or after school and I work to help model this behavior.
5. Let them know that help is available if they need it. While these tips can help establish a solid foundation for life-long mental health, they are also not a clinical solution to a mental health challenge. When self-care and community are not enough, be sure your kids know that outside help is available if they need it — through therapy or support groups, or you help them create safe spaces at school by starting an Active Minds chapter.

When youth and young adults feel empowered to lead and elevate the conversation about mental health, with the support of caregivers, educators, administrators, parents, and families, it will lead to school communities prioritizing resources to ensure long-term care.

So, next time you try to help your kid feel better by telling them they’re okay I hope you pause and think — are they? And if the answer is no — I encourage you to reach out and ask them to share more with you so that you can find the support you and your family need.